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My Name is Floralis

by Floralis

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Harry Nott
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Harry Nott A haunting, often ethereal testimony of trans POC experiences. Shimmering beats and neon-soaked synths present tones ranging from the achingly sad to the strikingly defiant. Floralis' confrontational, but fiercely honest lyrics are swept up by vulnerable melodic vocals and fired out in concise, cutting bars. It's an astonishingly real, album, with its flaws laid secondary to the power of its emotional core. A great accomplishment. Favorite track: Dark Skin.
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  • Full Digital Discography

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    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Saying Goodbye, My Name is Floralis, Paper Room (feat. Alana McLaughlin & Orange Bloom), Red & Black (feat. Orange Bloom), Prickles, It All Keeps Running Back, Babe, Rusty Malcolm is Dead, Frankie Ocean (Come Over), and 12 more. , and , .

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1.
The Life of a Child 03:24
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The life of a child Seems confusing When you're young and full of hope Do you believe me when I say, We’re only two streets apart? You see We can meet after dark, and we Could still keep trying. With open arms, I’m by our school, You walk on by, and play the fool We never was, we never were I guess I’ll leave it alone A child left alone, I feel ashamed. I lift the books up through my bag And fear they smell kind of different to you, I won’t eat in this room. I starved myself for 15 years, I’m ashamed, I’m ashamed, I’m ashamed The life of a child Seems confusing When you're young and full of hope And I guess there are Thousands of me on the streets of London And you can’t escape the dirt But I know we’re friends Today might end, “Don’t trust a word out of their mouth” My mother told me that’s life
2.
Dark Skin 03:50
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When living trauma carries you into the darkness And you're a different kind of monster with your dark skin Who's that stabbing at my back again? With that chat again? I'm that Paki friend. Spit into my face like it's bants for them But yeah indentured servitude is just how I made friends And I can keep the trauma buried, through it out to sea But when I'm drowning in the liquor, it comes back to me And I don't understand what happens but it gives me chills Holding onto rafts around me, life just won't keep still When living trauma carries you into the darkness And you're a different kind of monster with your dark skin I was hiding the shame inside of me, I was sticking out like a bright red thumb Without a holy light or a friend to guide me, Heaven's gates were closing as the rapture began And when I fell into temptation, I was blind as a bat Hellfire burned my throat and I could never turn back Show the half of me that's living to my classmates, underpinning Every demon I would face when I would show them my cracks again, When living trauma carries you into the darkness And you're a different kind of monster with your dark skin It's just a moment of silence 'til the memories fade, Recounting any time that seemed like better days, I malfunction, now my mouth's open, Sound drunken, Countless nights where I don't recognise this empty gaze I feel like as a child, you stole my youth from me, And it's like thinking you exist ain't acting truthfully, But please God, I repent, I was just a boy, And now this vessel that I carry hardly brings me joy, Yeah it can smile to your face, I guess it carries my shape, But I still wonder who I'd be if I just didn't tempt fate Any time I erase it, I just find it again, And it still lingers in the corners of my mind, I'm a state And oh god, I'm ashamed, Guess my future is shaped. I'm still bitter at the people who I think have escaped, I try to look through my mask but my body is draped, In disguise I've been wearing ever since I was
3.
It All Keeps Running Back, Babe 03:19
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When you brush my thigh, then I start to hide, And my reflex tells me to grip my sides, And when I withdraw deeper inside myself, I’m too ashamed to proceed with a cry for help, I try to tell, will I grab your waist? Only time will tell, You look at me like you did something wrong, and I proceed to move on, but I’m withholding all my dignity, I’m empty and gone, I kiss you on the neck but then you touch my chest, I’m cold, I sweat, I hold my breath, swallow now Sink to your socks on your bedroom floor, And you can feel the cold pull from the open door, I could drive away, I could tear up the book, this the final page, She caught your look this time Oh it all keeps running back babe, It wasn’t who I meant to be It’s not easy Oh all it all keeps running back to me, It wasn’t who I meant to be, It’s not easy Told her once upon a time was a kid in trouble, Now she’s deep into my side as I pictured the bottle, Struggle, I choke, hide the lump in my throat, When she asked what happened next, then i quivered, I broke, I can’t cope, Laugh, distract with dumb jokes, I show, Weakness in my fever dreams, it’s easy kid, just sink within, yourself, stare at her and wish that you could tell Oh it all keeps running back babe, It wasn’t who I meant to be It’s not easy Oh all it all keeps running back to me, It wasn’t who I meant to be, It’s not easy
4.
Paper Room 03:26
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When my fingers all gloss over my soft skin, I’m alone with my thoughts, I’m a living sin And it’s quiet, there’s a knock at the door girl, Puff your chest out, and you might have ‘em fooled still, Silhouettes taunting you through the walls, oh, Lies are told, when you sift through the news, And you see other souls putting pens to the noose, In a paper room, and the ink bleeds through, If it tears and rips, then I’ll be consumed, By the crowd as they leer over my costume, And I’m starting to see You’re the dread in me, Towered over me, when you notice me, I’m supposed to be unseen Unseen, Unseen, Unseen As the ink drips onto me, You can choose what you believe, I’ll still put my makeup on, And you’ll listen to her speak
 As the ink drips onto me, You can choose what you believe, I’ll still put my makeup on, And you’ll listen to her speak Goddamn, raise your sissy fists, Yes the pain exist, graze the fascists lips, Ruthless anarchist, slam your stake in this, Fade away in bliss. I know what I’ve seen, some dead and some bleed, But just know, nothing ever changes when the boot goes multicoloured, So we’re tearing at the rubber and we’re building our defences, In our paper room, Pink and blue, Lines the walls, Eyes peer through, But tell me, Ugly or obscene Tell me what to be ‘cause it fills with me ennui Never listened anyway ‘cause I won’t ever let you make me Unseen, unseen, unseen Alana McLaughlin: Don’t talk to me about being polite, don’t talk to me about being polite, I’m exhausted. Every time I walk outside I hear the heckles passing by, And fake tears, and fake cries, as if being trans affects their lives. And sweet, sweet child - if you’re still in your shell it’s OK. If you’re still scared it’s OK. We’re here, and we’re not going anywhere. Night skies pass through our deep eyes, And we fall through, and I’ve got you These four walls fall, form soft threads, And they’ll wrap you, we’ve still got you Night skies pass through our deep eyes, And we fall through, and I’ve got you These four walls fall, form soft threads, And they’ll wrap you, we’ve still got you
5.
Textiles from the Motherland 01:45
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A slice of hair could never cut the rope around our necks. I’ve fashioned it in styles and brushed the hands that held the ends. I flirted with their finger tips. I fed my youth from their thin lips. Each strand of hair around my body Has grown from every lash put on me. It's a beautiful thing, really. I don't see pain in the scars no more; I see new life - The darkest strands They glisten on my golden hands, I recall days on yellow sands, My family in the motherland. The fragrant tea they left to brew, Yes, they all wore the dark strands too, Beneath unruly, Kashmir threads, Our skin remains a blistered red, The sugared tar grips us, and marks us, and binds us forever. I don't mind it anymore. It no longer breaks my spirit. I used to wear my hair to show a man with ties to heritage, But cover it in threads and garms designed to Europeanness. My silent voice still echoes what the label might suggest. No, I can shave my hair, I can rip my clothes, I could skin myself and even so, Today I'm still a desi girl
6.
My Name is Floralis 02:54
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Oh, you're so afraid my darling, Afraid to be too loud, You swallow yourself when you talk, Too afraid to make a sound I know you've been alone I know it's not so easy I know you're just a girl underneath the stubble and the teardrops you hold I know you've been in love I know you feared to show them I know you feel the coldness in your heart, you figured you would never adjust Never a man, Never so tough Never there Never so brave Never enough Oh, sweet baby. Yes, I know That every floral dress that caught your eye made you hang your head in shame And every story you heard of brave men tells a tale you can't relate to Oh we pretend, Oh we pretend, Oh we pretend It was ever about us No, I never really liked it when boys played rough, But then I learned to pick my battles, adapt, and fit in, You either keep your head hidden or act real tough, You think the one that speaks the loudest can cope the most I'm at the centre of the tunnel, I entertain my troubles, I think I see the end, But I'm hanging to the rubble. I'm sweating viscous puddles and Sticking to the floor And I can't move my feet Never a man, Never so tough Never there Never so brave Never enough Oh, sweet baby. Yes, I know That every floral dress that caught your eye made you hang your head in shame And every story you heard of brave men tells a tale you can't relate to Oh we pretend, Oh we pretend, Oh we pretend It was ever about us Never a man, Never so tough Never there Never so brave Never enough Oh, sweet baby. Yes, I know That every floral dress that caught your eye made you hang your head in shame And every story you heard of brave men tells a tale you can't relate to Oh we pretend, Oh we pretend, Oh we pretend It was ever about us
7.
Pachouli 03:23
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Moments of silence As dawn approaches I hear the seagulls Swooping threads through the air As though they're stitching Embroidered pages, Pictures of us My hands are wrapped in your hair Oh in the dawn, girl Do you think of me? I feel your green eyes sparkling Watching me work I'll see us clearly For years to come, babe But I don't need to think To capture the scent Of soft pachouli, It lingers through me It's nearly morning And I'm awake Soft satin nighties, You touch me lightly I wore this for you, I feel your gaze Of soft pachouli, It lingers through me It's nearly morning And I'm awake Soft satin nighties, You touch me lightly I wore this for you, I feel your gaze
8.
Prickles 02:52
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Prickles on my thighs, Feel prickles on my chest, Feel prickles across my spine I don't feel so pretty, But that's OK It's still alright to hide I feel prickles on my thighs, Feel prickles on my chest, Feel prickles across my spine I don't feel so pretty, But that's OK It's still alright to hide Mama said be who you are, But I can't tell you if I know who that is I feel sweet, I feel empty, I feel ruthless, I'm attempting to feel this Whole life standing next to pale men Hated how I glowed, so I tried to blend in Tell me baby why should I do this again? Am I not tired? Prickles on my thighs, Feel prickles on my chest, Feel prickles across my spine I don't feel so pretty, But that's OK It's still alright to hide I feel prickles on my thighs, Feel prickles on my chest, Feel prickles across my spine I don't feel so pretty, But that's OK It's still alright to hide

about

I have worked on some of these tracks since 2019 and a full four years later, this is it. There were so many emotions I was trying to convey back then that I didn't understand until now. Now that I have come out as trans, now that I am happy, now that I know the sort of person that I am.

I don't know when I will release something again after this. If this is the last bit of music I ever release, I will be happy. It's definitely an imperfect album, but it's honest; it's deeply honest, and I like to think that this album is relatable to a lot of trans POC.

If you are in a position to buy this album, that would help me out a lot. All funds to it will go towards the tour that I am doing between October 6th-12th, where nearly every show is a fundraiser for a local group that I sincerely believe are helping the community.

credits

released October 6, 2023

Artwork by Rob Brett
All tracks produced by Floralis except where noted
Paper Room produced by Floralis & Orange Bloom

Additional mixing on The Life of a Child and Paper Room by Phoebe Bentham
Album mastered by Phoebe Bentham

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Lowlives Collective London, UK

RADICAL LEFT
ALTERNATIVE RAP

Floralis
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O.S Elliott

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